Lullaby in Ragtime from the 1959 movie The Five Pennies that my grandparents sang to me as a child that holds a lot of meaning to me.
A big part of music therapy is the use of preferred music. As people, our taste in music has a tendency to change across our lives, so I thought as a way for you to get to know me better I would share a playlist, a timeline of sorts, of the music that I have listened to and loved throughout my life up to this point. As you will see my taste in music has been all over the place and I am now a conglomerate of all those genres and music phases I went through.
After making my list I realized that it was far too long to include in one blog post so this week will be part one.
EARLY CHILDHOOD
My earliest memories of music are nursery rhymes and lullabies. My mom used to sing the first two to me and my siblings, especially the second one when we would be driving at night and the mood would be out. The third song is one that is still very special to me. My grandparents would sing this song to my sister and I whenever we were staying over and it was bedtime. There are three parts to this song that all layer over each other. One day I’ll learn the final part.
Rock a bye baby
I see the moon
Lullaby in Ragtime
ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
A lot of the music I consumed as a child was from whatever was on the radio. The radio station most played in the car was WIBI, a Christian radio station. All the singing that I did in front of people happened at church as part of the children’s choir and sometimes as solos. All three of these songs are ones that I either sang in a group or by myself.
I Can Only Imagine – MercyMe
Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone) – Chris Tomlin
Praise You In This Storm – Casting Crowns
MIDDLE SCHOOL
Disney/Pop
Any music I listened to that wasn’t heard while in the car was from CD’s played on a Boombox. My first CD and prized possession was Hannah Montana. I eventually leveled up to a knock off MP3 player that was bright pink loaded up with random songs my dad pirated off the internet. I sang songs three and five in talent shows.
If We Were A Movie – Hannah Montana
Fly With Me – The Jonas Brothers
Do You Believe in Magic – Aly and AJ
E.T. – Katy Perry
Mean – Taylor Swift
Demi Lovato
This was still at the same time as the previous grouping, but Demi gets their own category because I listened to the Here We Go Album religiously on my MP3 player. I could probably still sing all the words to every song on that album.
Every Time You Lie
World of Chances
U Got Nothing On Me
JUNIOR HIGH
My “country” phase
I struggle to even call it country because I only listened to Carrie Underwood and Miranda Lambert. Mostly I was trying to relate to all the other kids at my school going through their country phase but I also wanted to branch out to music outside of Disney and what my dad downloaded for me.
Before He Cheats – Carrie Underwood
Blown Away – Carrie Underwood
Mama’s Broken Heart – Miranda Lambert
Alt- pop
(At this point we’re getting to music I still listen to)
After my short lived country phase was my “emo” one. It continued on to high school and still has a big chunk of my heart. I didn’t listen to a lot of artists though. I didn’t venture very far past Fall Out Boy. It was also the music that my friends were listening to.
Fall Out Boy
Sugar, We’re Going Down Swinging
My Songs Know What You Did in The Dark
Alone Together
Takeaways
This is just 13 years of music tastes. It is important to realize how as an adolescent our tastes were always changing and growing as we changed, grew, and learned. It’s the same for adolescents now. Variety is always good when bringing music selections to sessions, especially in classrooms. This reminded me to be open and not so stuck in the music that I listen to now most days.
My room set up for lessons that I used to be terrified about teaching
Part of my homework as an intern at MTC is to write a daily journal about how the day went and my thoughts and reflections. Yesterday, I wrote about the fear of the unknown and struggling when something is new and you feel like you don’t know where to start or have no control. While writing that journal entry, I knew it was something that I wanted to expand upon. We all have to deal with new things or doing things that give us anxiety whether we are a music therapy intern or not.
As I move further into my internship, I’m having more added to what I am doing and I know that will continue. One of those things is leading. This week I led for the first time. Just one song here and there during different sessions that I had learned for my repertoire check last week. It was exciting and scary and somehow felt both big and small at the same time. On one hand it was big because it was my first time leading since finishing my course work a while ago as well as my first time doing any leading at MTC but on the other hand it felt small because it was just a song, something I have done for a long time. It’s always relative. When I felt like the song didn’t go well it became such a big thing in my head but when it went well a couple hours later it was just something small I had achieved. As humans I think we have the tendency to make our mistakes or losses so much bigger than our wins. While I am currently leading one song, in the near future I will be leading whole sessions and it will be on me to plan and facilitate them. Starting in October I will be taking over two different sessions: a contract at a school and our Listen and Learn class. This was the week I started to really plan out the Listen and Learn class and figure out the music. So currently I don’t feel too nervous about it but I have found myself freaking out about going and leading sessions at the school.
To be honest I have always struggled with anxiety and OCD and in turn may have become somewhat of a “control freak”. For me, feeling like I have control over some part of the situation helps alleviate my anxiety. In new situations I don’t always know everything, like where to even start on a plan for October. In this case I don’t know what music to prepare or how that changes amongst the ages of students so I start to feel anxious and out of control. So I decided to share my process with you in the hopes that if you ever feel anxious and out of control when something new pops up maybe you won’t feel alone or will have some place to start so that you can get through. When you break it down sometimes it doesn’t feel so big.
Why am I feeling anxious?
I can’t do anything unless I know why. In this case I am anxious because I don’t have much experience with schools and though I have three weeks until I would even lead I feel like I am jumping feet first. At the point of writing this I haven’t even observed yet so my brain can make the situation as big and scary as possible
What do I have control over?
In my case there is more that I can control than I thought. I can go to the music therapist that worked with them before and talk about what worries me. I can ask to meet and talk through ideas for sessions and learn about what music they like. I can listen to the radio to learn what songs are popular right now and make and listen to a playlist of music they have used in the past. I can control how I think about it and not allow myself to go into the worst case scenario. I can also change how I talk to myself. I have education and I wouldn’t be here if my supervisors didn’t think I could do it.
What is it that I am afraid of happening?
In this case, I realized that I was worried about crashing and burning when it comes time to lead. I know I will write a plan and facilitate it. I am worried that it won’t work and then I will have to use the plan that doesn’t work two more times. In figuring this out I can then focus on what would be the outcome if it didn’t work. I would just have to try something different the next time. As my mom always told me growing up: “The world won’t end. The sun will still rise in the morning and the Earth will keep on turning”. Even if it doesn’t go well. Making a mistake is not a personal failure or reflect on me and somehow make me unworthy of being a music therapist.
Making a gameplan
Next week I go to observe. I am sure that will clear up a lot of anxiety for me once I actually see the group and see what is done in the group. Until then I am going to work on listening to music outside of my Spotify playlist and listen to what is on the radio. I am also going to be patient with myself and allow myself to feel whatever it is I feel even if it is nervous.
Last thoughts
In Music Therapy we can’t control and micromanage how the session goes. That is just not how it works. We don’t know for sure how a client will respond and you have to be able to adapt as necessary. I know I can’t control every aspect of life and that my worry of doing badly comes from a place of wanting to be the best I can be for my clients. We all learn as we go and I am still learning to let go of some things. I know I will accomplish so much over the course of my internship and that starts with doing new and scary things. I have done scary things before like teaching lessons since I started at MTC and learned that I love doing it so much. No one likes doing things that scare them, but it is in these moments that we can learn the most. If we never leave our box of what makes us comfortable, how can we ever grow?
My name is GraceAnne Prince and I am the new intern at Music Therapy Connections.
A little about me
I was born and raised in Rochester Illinois, so I am no stranger to Springfield. I have two brothers and a sister and between all of us there are too many cats to count. Currently, I have two cats Pomegranate (Pom) and Kiwi but I am an avid believer in the cat distribution system so I will probably end up with more.
I graduated from Rochester High School where I had a wonderful music education and was involved in Madrigals, vocal jazz, and the musicals. After high school, I went on to study Music Therapy at Western Illinois University. While there, I was a part of many ensembles including University Singers, Chamber Singers, Vocal Jazz, and Jazz Combo and was a part of the WIU Music Therapy Association. After being in Macomb for the five years I was in school, I am finally back in my home town.
Outside of internship I love to nap, sing, play guitar, snuggle with my cats, and spend time with my family, friends, and my partner. I also really love theater and have been involved in shows at the Muni and the Hoogland. I have been singing and performing since I was two years old!
My journey to Music Therapy and MTC
I decided I wanted to be a Music Therapist almost ten years ago. When I was fifteen I did some research on what resources were available to siblings of children with Autism. My brother was diagnosed with Autism when he was sixteen and I was eight so it was a topic close to heart. In my search I came across a research paper about a music therapy group for the siblings of Autistic children. This paper led me to the website of the American Music Therapy Association where I read as much as I could about music therapy. At that moment I decided that music therapy is what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Lucky for me MTC was close to the town I grew up in and I knew of it before going off to college. When asked in school where I thought I would go for an internship, I always said I thought I would end up here. It took a while and plans changed but things came together. I moved back home and quickly found out that MTC was open to taking an intern and now I am here.
My first week
This week, although short because of Labor Day, was my first week. I got to observe multiple therapists in a multitude of settings in both group and individual sessions. In one week I saw as many sessions as I would see in one semester at college. At Western I never really got the chance to observe because COVID hit and we were all sent home the semester I was supposed to observe. Getting to observe has been a really cool opportunity. It has given me the chance to slow down and rely on what I learned at WIU. When I observe I write down everything I see and then I get to discuss with the music therapist after the session and compare notes. I know I am going to grow and learn so much over the course of my internship here.
My takeaways from this week
FLEXIBILITY Plans change, sometimes you can’t plan at all, and sometimes new things are thrown at you. You have to be flexible. It is something I have been working on and continue to work on. In this field of work you always have to be ready to change plans and go with what is being given to you. I loved seeing the music therapists I observed having to be flexible and how they did so with such grace.
SELF COMPASSION During a meeting I had this week I talked about how I struggle to not listen to my inner critic on every matter. When you are starting something new, in my case internship rather than school, it is easy to be critical and doubt every decision I make. My focus as I continue is self compassion. If I wouldn’t say it to a friend or a client why would I say it to myself.
I AM A MUSIC THERAPIST In the same vein as self compassion was this declaration. It has been hard for me to see past the fact that I am still technically a student. This has led to me questioning everything I do. In a meeting with my supervisor she told me this. This has become somewhat of a mantra over the last couple of days when I start to doubt myself. While not certified yet, with every day of internship I am on my way.
I want to thank you for embarking on this journey with me. I know this is just the beginning but I have a feeling it’s going to be a good one.
For a past assignment, I was tasked with writing a song. While all of my other song assignments were to be written for a specific client or clinical purpose, this song was supposed to be all for me. I was a bit perplexed, as I didn’t know what to write about.
One night I was attempting to learn an Olivia Rodrigo song and was failing miserably. I began plucking at my guitar and reflecting on how internship was going so fast by and how crazy it was that I only had 2 more months left. As I plucked, the words “faster and faster” kept echoing through my head. Soon I began putting the words to a melody.
What I ended up with was:
“Faster and faster, this train keeps going, when will it ever slow down? One minute you started, the next thing you know, your getting off in the next town.”
That’s how college and now internship has felt. As soon as I get used it, it’s time to move on to the next phase. The song developed from there, and was one of the most natural and authentic to me songs that I have ever written.
Well now it’s time for me to “get off in the next in the next town”. I don’t really know what the next train will be or when it will come. This is scary beyond belief, but incredibly exciting at the same time. I feel so fortunate to have MTC be my “train” these past few months. I’m going to always to have a spot in my heart for my supervisors, mentors, and clients I have gotten to work with these past 6 months. Thank you all for riding along with me on this journey as well.
Faster and Faster
by Lillian Schierbrock
You get on the train at the home station to start on the ride.
Don’t know where you’re going, but you’ll figure it out in time.
You see mountains and plains, other marvelous things.
It’s a sight to behold.
But then you hear that it’s getting close to the end of the road.
Faster and faster this train keeps going. When will it ever slow down?
One minute you started, the next thing you know you’re getting off in the next town.
One year, two years, three years, four.
Then it’s time to leave to see more.
You get used to the train and everything that comes along on the ride.
You know the sunset is best seen from seat 2B on the left side.
You know the best food in the dining car,
And your favorite conductor by far.
It’s becoming like home, but the next you know it’s time to go.
Faster and faster this train keeps going. When will it ever slow down?
One minute you started, the next thing you know your getting off in the next town.
One, two, three months, four, five, six.
Who knows what is next.
Don’t know what the next train will look like, don’t know where it will go.
Your so excited, but scared to death because there is so much you don’t know
Faster and faster this train keeps going. When will it ever slow down?
One minute you started, the next thing you know your getting off in the next town.
My best attempt at recreating the scene from the Inside by Bo Burnham
I am required to take part in weekly repertoire checks during my supervision time. Often my supervisors will request particular songs or types of songs for me to bring to my repertoire check. This last week, my supervisors requested I bring in a song that reflected how I am currently feeling.
The song I chose to bring in was “That Funny Feeling” by Bo Burnam. To me, the song reflected the complicated way I have been feeling during this time of change with all that is happening in my life and in the world around me. As the song is very specific to what the writer was feeling, my supervisors requested that I rewrite the song about how I feel. I recently brought my version of the song to my supervision this week. My supervisors encouraged me to share this version with all of you as my blog post this week.
That Funny Feeling (Lillian’s Version)
Showing a patient how to use the guitar tabs app.
Getting Starbuck’s coffee when you feel like crap.
Turing Red’s self-awareness, loving parents, no time for fun.
The ending of your internship means the rest of life has begun.
There it is again, that funny feeling
That funny feeling
There it is again, that funny feeling
That funny feeling
Working on my final project, trying to keep up the pace.
Looking at Shein Dresses, imagining what’s to come.
But COVID meanders, no clear answers, possible war.
The whole world at your fingertips, but you can find the answers you’re looking for.
Encantos everywhere, learning to sing with gusto.
Almost five years of this, a couple more weeks to go.
People get fired, Getting tired, Unfair decrees.
My issues seem so small yet so big to me.
There it is again, that funny feeling
That funny feeling
There it is again, that funny feeling
That funny feeling
Reading TikTok’s terms of service, going for a drive.
Driving aimlessly, not knowing what you’ll find.
Full Atychiphobic, just keep your focus, won’t be disowned.
A book on getting better from your supervisors on loan.
Feeling nothing and everything at the same time.
Googling jobs, being overwhelmed with what you find.
That warmth of spring breathing through the winter air.
For my assignment this week I read the book Big Magic; Creative Living Beyond Fear by Elizabeth Gilbert. Gilbert divides this book into six parts; Courage, Enchantment, Permission, Persistence, Trust, and Divinity. Each of these parts focuses on how one can embody each of those things to let go of their fear and to embrace their creativity in life. Gilbert shares many good thoughts on combating fear and embracing creativity in this book, three of these ideas particularly stuck out to me.
Courage
In the part entitled “Courage”, Gilbert discusses being courageous in the face of your fears. She states that we shouldn’t live with an absence of fear, that is unnatural. We need to live with our fear, but not let the fear control our lives. Gilbert makes an analogy about going on a road trip. In this analogy, you are going on a road trip with your creativity and fear. Fear is welcomed on this road trip, but is not allowed to drive. Fear can have an opinion on where you go, but fear does not have a vote on it.
I really liked how Gilbert discussed fear in this analogy. In my life I often let fear have a say in what I do, I have even let fear be in the driver’s seat from time to time. I always thought the way to get rid of fear was to eject it from the car all together. However, getting rid of fear completely is not attainable. It’s healthy to have fear and to acknowledge its existence, but not let it control your life. That is something I hope to do going forward.
Enchantment
Something I found particularly interesting in the section “Enchantment” was when Gilbert discussed how the fear of peaking can keep a person from trying again. She discusses how Harper Lee did not release another book after To Kill a Mockingbird because “When you’re at the top, there’s only one place to go.” This fear makes creating about winning or losing, with the fear of losing stopping us from embracing our ideas and trying to create again.
I’ve had many ideas in my life that I have not pursued due to fearing they will not be successful. This was something that held me back a lot during the first few months of my internship. When working with clients and patients, I didn’t try out ideas I had in fear of them not working. Additionally, I didn’t share ideas I had in fear of them not being good enough. I have worked through a lot of these and have discovered that just because something didn’t work doesn’t mean I am a failure as a music therapy intern. I am incredibly proud of the progress I have made, and will keep working on not letting fear stop me from trying.
Permission
The part entitled “Permission” discusses how to allow yourself to look past fear and embrace your creativity. One part of this that stuck out to me was about “entitlement”. Gilbert states “creative entitlement means believing that you are allowed to be here… you are allowed to have a voice and a vision of your own.” She discussed sharing and owning your creative intent, not letting others scare you away from the life you are entitled to.
This part reminded me a lot of imposter syndrome. I have found myself falling into its traps many times in my life. Imposter syndrome leads to feelings that I somehow don’t deserve to be where I am and doing what I am doing. This has happened when I have started new ensembles, started new jobs, and especially happened when I started my internship. I’ve learned to push through this fear, but it often causes a lot of growing pains. I need to work on owning my intent and entitlement as soon as I start something to combat the feelings of fear and imposter syndrome. I am going to be a music therapist and I have worked hard and deserve to be where I am.
Overall, I really enjoyed Elizabeth Gilbert’s point of view on embracing creativity and combating fear. As someone who lets fear and anxiety often control her life, I found Gilbert’s book to be thought provoking and I look forward to adopting some of her mindsets going forward.
