Hey everyone! I hope you all had a fantastic week and are doing well.
I am officially in my third month of internship! Its crazy seeing the weeks pass by. It is going by so quickly! This past week, I have really begun leading more and taking more of the documentation. I have also been working with one of my supervisors on working on website creation, a skill that will come in handy in the future!
This week, I want to share something a bit more personal. Although I am seeing improvement and growth in my skills, there are some days where I struggle believing in myself. There are many doubts and “what if” questions that often run through my mind. Although it can feel like I am the only one with these thoughts, I know that others may feel similarly things in their own way.
Am I really learning and growing?
Some days it is harder to really see my progress. I am already into my third month of internship and there are still so many areas that I need to work on. Some skills I have been working on since week one and they still aren’t were I want them to be. On days when I am feeling down, I try to focus more on the areas that I feel like I have really improved and the accomplishments I’ve had along the way.
What if I don’t pass internship or the board exam?
I would definitely consider myself an over thinker. Many times, I will start overthinking things that are not yet relevant, such as the board exam. It can be hard not to stress about the future, especially when you like to plan ahead. I try to remind myself that there is no sense in stressing about it right now and instead try to redirect my energy towards the here and now.
What if I don’t make it as a music therapist?
Similar to the last question, some days I wonder if I really have what it takes to do this profession. There is a lot that goes into being a music therapist. Some days I can really psych myself out and it can be hard to convince myself that I can do this. While I may not know where I will end up in the future, I can try to focus on the ere and now. Each day, I try to give it my all and be the best music therapy intern that I can be.
I AM enough.
It is okay to have worries and doubts. However, it is not healthy to allow these thoughts and feelings to take over. On days where these thoughts and questions are constantly on my mind, I try to remind myself of the areas I have improved, the small victories I have had, and that its okay to no be perfect. I am not supposed to have all the answers or be at a professional level quite yet. Although I may not feel like it all the time, I AM enough.
Worries and doubts are something that everyone experiences from time to time. In the moment, it can feel lonely. They can also take a toll on one’s mental health. Having healthy coping skills, self care, and a support system can help to quiet these thoughts. For me, spending time with friends and looking at the good things from the week help to relieve my doubts.
With each day, I know that I am growing, even if I feel differently. I am getting closer and closer to reaching my goal of becoming a music therapist.
Thanks for reading! Stay safe and healthy this week. And remember, you are enough!
Hey all! I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving!
This whole year has been kind of crazy. In March, I was told that my spring break was extended a whole week. At the time, this was exciting! However, this extended break turned into a semi-permanent change in everyday life. A few months later, I began my internship which has been quite an adventure.
One thing I am thankful for are the people in my life. I was lucky enough to get an internship close to home so I am able to stay with my family during this time. It is nice to have that extra time with my family, especially with my younger siblings, before I move out on my own for good.
During this week, I have really been taking time to appreciate what I have. Even though the world has changed a lot this year, there are so many things to be thankful for.
Something that I have become extra grateful for this year has been technology. When COVID first hit, I wasn’t sure how I would finish school or how practicum/internship would continue if meeting in-person was no longer an option. However, technology has opened the door for remote learning and tele-health.
As on-campus schooling has ended for me, I am no longer close to most of my friends. My boyfriend moved to Ohio and one of my best friends moved to Indiana to get their master’s degrees. My sister also started going to college in Chicago this year. While this has been hard having so many people move away, technology has made it easier to spend time with those I care about when I am unable to see them in person.
This year, I also got a gecko! I am super thankful for this little bro. Although he can be a jerk sometimes, I love him dearly. On harder days, I will just sit and do work next to his tank while he naps on his rock. It can be very relaxing to just watch him enjoy life.
Another thing I am thankful for is video streaming. I really enjoy watching TV shows and movies. They are one of my favorite ways to wind down after a long day. My favorite thing to watch is pretty much anything Star Trek. I am super thankful to have the ability to stream the shows and movies, as well as anything else I may want to watch.
Although there is a lot in the world to be stressful about right now, I really focused on the good in my world this week. Sometimes there are things that you can’t control and that’s okay. Sometimes there is a lot going on that is really hard and that’s okay too. For me, finding at least one thing I am thankful for can help to remind myself that it will be okay in the end, even if it doesn’t feel like it in the moment.
I hope that you all are doing well and were able to enjoy Thanksgiving, however you chose to spend it. Keep doing great and
The past few weeks, I have been talking a lot about things that I want to work on or change. I have been working hard to make those changes so far. This week, I want to share some of the things I have recently accomplished that I am proud of!
During my last supervision, I spent about 20 minutes improvising songs. The first song was with one of my supervisors’ husband. We improvised a song about how he was feeling and how he could make himself feel better. The second song was a song for myself about how I have been feeling about the world. The last improv exercise was a relaxation activity for my supervisors.
Now improvisation has been something that I have never been a fan of. I tend to get very stressed in the moment and feel like whatever I have come up with and played is terrible. However, I felt proud of myself after this improv experience!
This week marks my sixth song I have written! Now songwriting is something that always intimidated me. When I have attempted in the past, I have always struggled with thinking my songs were “good enough”. While my songs may not be the next big hits, they are functional and can help clients accomplish their goals and that is what is important. With each song I write, my confidence level grows.
In addition to songwriting, I also recorded and edited and entire music therapy video for one of our schools myself! Until this week, I had been doing 1-3 of the songs and editing about half of the video. While editing, I also found it easier to listen and watch myself. Although I still do not enjoy it, it has gotten easier with each week.
Another thing I am proud of is my barre chords don’t sound like absolute garbage anymore! They still aren’t what I would consider “good” but they are getting much better. I have been pushing myself to practice them multiple times a week and I am really beginning to see a difference. While I may not be a big fan of using barre chords, I am beginning to see the benefits of using them.
Overall, I am super proud of myself for the past few weeks. I am working hard to make sure that I am stepping out of my comfort zone, pushing myself to better my skills, and finding the balance between criticizing and congratulating myself. Although I am still nowhere near where I want to be in my skills, I am seeing lots of improvement.
This week has been full of challenges but still a good week. I have pushed myself outside of my comfort zone a few times. I also have been pushing myself to work on skills that I especially struggle with. While working on some of these skills, I have had a lot of feelings come up.
Something I struggle with is being okay with not doing something perfectly. If I know something is not absolutely 100%, I tend to think that it is not good. Like I mentioned last week, I tend to really focus on what I am doing wrong, or what is “bad”. I have difficulty finding what I am doing well.
This past week, one of my rep check challenges was to do a children’s song in all barre chords. Now, I hate barre chords. I avoided them every chance I had during undergrad and learned them just enough to pass my guitar competency, then never looked at them again. As a result, barre chords are something that I majorly struggle with.
To prepare for this rep challenge, I went up and down the neck of my guitar practicing the different chord shapes. I would practice until my hand began to cramp. After a week, they sill were not “good” which made me quite frustrated. One of my supervisors asked me how my rep songs were coming along. I told here that my barre chords were still terrible and that I wasn’t sure how it would go. She reminded me that they are not looking for perfection by rather progress.
This got me thinking: how many times have I given up on certain skills or techniques because I’m not perfect? Even if I was making progress, I would get frustrated and decide that it’s just not something I was good at. As a result, I would then find ways to avoid it, like barre chords.
In a way, this is a form of self-sabotage. If I don’t think I am good at something, I want to avoid it meaning I won’t give it my all out of fear of failure. In turn, this leads to me not doing well which reinforces the idea that I am bad at it and the cycle continues. This is definitely not a healthy mentality.
Internship is about learning, growth, and progress. I’m not supposed to be perfect. It’s okay to need help, to have questions, to be corrected, and to need to practice or work on skills. One of my new goals is change my mindset; to tell myself that progress is more important that perfection.
Although this mentality will not change overnight, I am going to try to remind myself that the important part is not being perfect, but rather the progress I am making. Trying to be perfect is an impossible goal that will just hinder my growth. I am human, which means that I will never truly be perfect at anything and that is okay.
Hey everyone! I hope you are all doing well and have had something positive happen during your week!
For many of my assignments, I have to write songs for various goals. So far, I have written a hello song (which I have already begun using!), a piggy-back folk song, and a re-written pop song. In addition to writing these songs, I also have to record them. This has been a fun challenge.
During my first attempt at recording, my supervisor and I attempted to figure out the program “Audacity”. This was quite the challenge as it was a very old program. Thankfully, I had saved enough to be able to get an iPad the following week. At that point, I was able to begin using GarageBand to record. This program is much more user-friendly.
Although GarageBand is easier to use, it still takes a while to get understand. I have spent my week creating all sorts of “music samples” in an attempt to learn how to record. There are so many options to choose from! It’s hard to find what you want or need.
My first attempt at recording was far from perfect. It took me a while to figure out some of the settings and modes. Even after recording, it was hard to figure out how to do what I wanted, such as adding a fade out. Google has been a great friend this week!
One of the biggest challenges of recording is having to listen to myself. As I am sure many of you can relate, it is almost painful listening to myself sing or play. I tend to only pick out what I did wrong or what sounds bad. While it is important to be critical and find ways to improve yourself, it is also just as important to find things that you did well.
This is something that I struggle with, not just with recording. One of my supervisors this week told me that when I say something positive about myself or something I did well, I need to say it with confidence (even if I am not confident). Sometimes it is hard saying “I am good at this” or “I did that well”. This is something that I hope to improve on over the next few months.
Although learning how to record can be frustrating, it is also super fun! There are so many options to choose from! I have had a lot of fun messing with different settings and instrumentation options. While I may not be utilizing these options quite yet, I am trying to familiarize myself with them in the hopes of using them in the near future!
In a few weeks and months, I will be much more proficient at using GarageBand and the recording equipment. I also hope that I will be more confident in my abilities to make quality music for my clients. For now, I will continue experimenting and learning! Maybe in a few weeks, I can give you all some tips and tricks I have learned along the way!
